What Is My Birth Philosophy?
What is my birth philosophy?
The answer feels so simple: flexibility.
How does this show up in my work as a doula? I’d say that it plays out both behind the scenes and directly every day. I’ve found that the tighter that I hold on, the harder being a doula is. But as soon as I let go and become flexible, the easier it feels to ride the waves of all that is asked from birth, life, and beyond.
As doulas we can not know what is going to happen with each client and each birth. This doesn’t mean that we’re bracing ourselves and expecting the worst- honestly quite the opposite! By embracing flexibility, it has allowed me to show up for each client fully and wholly no matter what is happening, without projecting my own expectations onto them or their birth.
It’s not always easy. As humans, our brains want to know what’s going to happen. With birth, we are asked over and over to let go and dive in. We don’t know when birth is going to happen, how it’ll feel, how long it’ll last, and what choices will need to be made throughout. For many people, this is scary as hell! But as a doula who has seen many, many births, I find the mystery exciting. Although, I don’t think that I would if I didn’t embrace the need to be flexible each and every day.
Side note, I think that the medical system's obsession with induction shows a deeeep inability to be flexible- but that’s a conversation for another time! Though of course, I show up to each induction with immense flexibility. ;)
How do I choose to be flexible in my practice? I am flexible when I commit to being on call, to not knowing what each day will hold, to keeping my calendar spacious and breathable if I need to reschedule or change plans. I am flexible during each conversation with my clients, opening myself up to their hopes, dreams, and desires separate from my own.I am flexible when I walk into the hospital, not knowing who else will be on the team or what choices we'll encounter along the way. I am flexible when my client expresses a need or desire during their birth that was different than what she hoped for, while holding space for all possible choices and realities.
The only thing that I’m not flexible on is consent, choice, and respect. These are non-negotiables! To me there is no room for someone in the birth space who does not revere birth as the life changing and extremely important event that it is. This is why I spend so much time talking about advocacy and choice, and lift up my clients to stand strong in who they want to be surrounded by and how they want to be treated during such a pivotal experience. Looking back at my career, I’d say this has been where my greatest growth and learning has happened- and continues to.
To me, flexibility doesn’t mean not planning for anything- it means planning for everything. This is why my doula bag is so full, why my meetings are so long and in depth, why I only take on a few clients a month, and am not on call every month of the year. Creating this spaciousness is what makes doing this for the long haul possible for me.
What is YOUR birth philosophy? How do you show up for your clients, or for yourself? You can always shoot me an email and I’d love to hear your thoughts or have a conversation!
Til next time,
Evan