In a dream world nurses and doulas are friends, but it’s not always the case…
What do I do when the nurse clearly wishes that I wasn’t there? 🫠🫣
Well, first off…it’s such a bummer when this happens. It’s rare, but I find that it happens more often when I’m working with a nurse I’ve never worked with before - who clearly has a stigma against all doula- not specifically me! Though, it’s hard not to take it personally.
Similar experiences tend to come in clusters, and oddly this has happened twice this month!
When it happened the first time, I was planning on writing a blog about it because it felt like such a learning moment. The second time, I was like DAMN this really challenges my neatly packaged “be sweet to the rude nurse” blog idea 🤪
But seriously, my ideal method when a nurse clearly does not want me there- is to be really kind and find points of connection. To make it clear that I’m good at my job, respect her, and in a perfect world we support each other and make each other's lives (and our clients) even better. If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that when the doula + nurse are working together, your client has a much better experience.
It really is a dream when we’re all on the same team- working together for our client to have the best birth possible!
Sometimes, and more rarely, the “catch more flies with honey” method doesn’t work, the nurse is bringing down the whole vibe, and the best option for everyone is requesting a new nurse. This should be done with tact, but is an option- and should only be done if it’s the preference of the birthing person. When I experienced this, the partner was actually the first to jump on this, followed the doctor into the hall, and asked if we could have a new nurse. It worked seamlessly, and our new nurse was a great match for the team.
Doulas- ideally our clients ✨never feel any tension✨ between us and a salty nurse. Their birth is not about us! It’s our job for the families we work with to have a positive experience- and it’s about figuring out what that means in that moment.
And…I freaking love nurses! Y’all know this 😘 so it really bums me out when they don’t feel the same, and I think it speaks to a much larger problem about power, control, and the broken system. I could go on forever!